


Five Impossible Things Or At Least Incredibly Unlikely To Converge Things Before Breakfast (or, I Always Knew The Pineapple Was Going to Kill Me)

by Flora (florahart)



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Apocalypse, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-14
Updated: 2011-08-14
Packaged: 2017-10-22 14:36:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/239102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/florahart/pseuds/Flora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tidal waves have happened before, and it's not like Hawaii's never seen volcanic activity or creatures or any number of other things, but come <i>on</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Impossible Things Or At Least Incredibly Unlikely To Converge Things Before Breakfast (or, I Always Knew The Pineapple Was Going to Kill Me)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [elerimc](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elerimc/gifts).



> The Apocalyptothon is about apocalypse scenarios, so it's safe to assume all is probably not well at the end.

**FIVE**

"Steven, you should just--you need to see this, babe." Danny looked out the window again and shook his head. "Come to Hawaii, people. It's beautiful. Blue water, blue sky, beautiful people... and oh, hey, five impossible and also deadly and horrifying (but who's counting) things before breakfast. No, I know, that's probably the SEAL motto, right? We do more impossible things before breakfast than most people have ever thought of in the first place?"

He paced while he talked, eventually ending up next to the wide leather couch. He sat and let his head fall back, pinching the bridge of his nose with one hand and pressing the button on the walkie again with the other. "McGarrett, you still with me?"

There was no reply.

"Yeah, I get it, can't talk, Danno. Busy causing havoc with things--with _other_ things--that go boom. Can't be helped." The couch was soft under the back of Danny's hand, supple and smooth--too bad it was probably going to have to be burned. "Still, wouldn't kill me if I could get a grunt or two. Feeling a little out in the dark up here."

The walkie remained quiet, but he'd expected it would.

Yeah, this was totally living up to everything he'd come to expect of the islands.

* * *

 **ONE**

They'd been out in the surf when the warning sirens went off, Steve and Grace on boards and Danny up to his knees in the water because he definitely wasn't going out there on a board to look like an idiot in front of God and everyone, but he also wasn't leaving his little girl with the maniac in chief without at least acting as backup. So they heard it at the same time, and to Steve's credit, he'd taught Grace emergency stuff first, so she was swimming for the shore before Danny remembered it was a tsunami warning. Steve had been right behind her--had _stayed_ behind her, obviously, in case she needed help--and had gotten her started on shoes and a towel before he'd turned to rummage through his bag for his phone. He was barking out orders to Kono and then briefly to Chin while Danny tried to listen to that with one ear and get in touch with the Rachel with the other all the way to the road.

But no one--not the weather guys or Steve or any of the locals, the experienced, unflappable locals on whose calm Danny wanted to count in situations like this--had been prepared for how fast the wave came in. They'd barely gotten Grace into the last seat on an uphill pickup truck before everything had gone seriously, completely, maybe irrevocably to hell, and all Danny had been able to tell Rachel when her frantic call got through was that he'd gotten their baby to higher ground.

Needless to say, that answer had been deemed unacceptable in the extreme, but on the up side, in the midst of being told so, Danny had lost his cell signal anyway.

He had every reason to believe the truck had beaten the wave and made it up the mountain, though, and he was calling it a win.

That was before they made it to the central resource station to coordinate with HPD.

* * *

 **AFTER TWO, BEFORE FIVE**

Danny sat down on the undisturbed bedspread with its high thread count and ugly pattern--seriously, were classy people just unable to appreciate things that were actually nice?--and pulled the phone to him. He had dial tone, and when he called the station, they picked up, but for now, Danny's job was to sit tight and he knew it.

Damn it.

* * *

 **TWO**

"A disturbance? What kind of _disturbance_ outweighs this shit?" Steve asked Ino, five minutes after they got to the station.

"Don't know, brah. Call came in right ahead of the siren, and now we can't get them back, even on the landline. Didn't sound like much, some kind of food problem? E coli? I dunno--but they also haven't checked in anywhere else, so we have to assume they're still there."

Danny waved a hand. "Anyone want to fill me in with what you _do_ know? I'm shit at tsunamis, but crowd control? I can do that."

Steve scowled, probably because abandonment issues, control issues, issues with authority, whatever, but he had to know Danny was only going to hang him up not knowing as much about how to proceed as most of HPD--and it wasn't like he hadn't gone looking at the contingencies and procedures after the last time, but that didn't mean he wasn't still a liability.

Danny shook his head. "Seriously, piece of cake. I got this. Gimme a walkie and the phone number here, and we'll meet up."

He could tell Steve still thought it was a terrible idea, going in alone (not alone; he was taking the new kid Grogan from Boston with him because: same liability and same kinds of experience), but eventually he waved them away and turned back to stab a finger at Ino's map.

So that was _totally_ a win, right? Everyone working to their strengths?

But that was before they walked into the Honolulu Hilton and found some kind of scene out of a horrible SyFy movie of the week. They had to assume it was contagious, and that was only more true once Grogan started bleeding from his eyes on the fourth floor and keeled over on the fifth.

Danny covered the kid with a sheet off the maid's abandoned cart and made his way up to the unoccupied penthouse, where he looked out over the city for a few minutes before he started trying to reach Steve. It hardly seemed possible that a sunny afternoon had come to this.

* * *

 **BETWEEN FOUR AND FIVE**

It was the sound of explosions, sharp in his ears and, when he looked, bright against the red-tinted sky outside, that roused Danny from his bored examination of the room service menu. Not that there was going to be any service to any room unless there were zombies and brains involved, and Danny was still holding out hope for no undead shambling, but Steve had said he'd be along soon, and he wasn't the kind of guy that let obstacles slow him down a lot. Danny didn't think it was time to be worried yet; ergo, he'd looked for something to read. Apparently classy people with ugly furniture _also_ didn't _read_. He rubbed at his eyes--sticky from exhaustion now but still dry; no bleeding and no other nasty symptoms--and went to look outside again. Because seriously, the last time hadn't been enough?

* * *

 **THREE**

"You have _got_ to fucking be kidding me," Danny said, watching huge bursts of steam come off the mountain from his vantage point in the penthouse. "A tsunami _and_ a volcanic event? What are the odds?"

In the background he heard Chin saying something about odds and tempting fate, but Steve was closer and louder. "You get somewhere safe," he told Danny.

"You think? Wait, everywhere that isn't here, I might kill people with bleeding orifices and snot monsters, Steve. I'm not even a little bit safe here, but I'm not _leaving_ until there's any way to contain this shit. I already went back down and found the emergency supplies, and unless I just encase myself in plastic laundry-service bags--and I mean, that sounds like a _bad_ fucking idea--I'm Typhoid Mary over here. Sooner you get everything cleaned up, sooner you come get me with the disaster gear, sooner I can stop eating ten-dollar peanuts and water that I need to take out a mortgage for."

"Can't free anyone up until morning, brah," said Ino, whose voice was becoming almost as familiar as anyone else's now, although seriously, they had to lose the phones eventually, didn't they? "But first thing after the weather calms down, we'll get there. Hang on, right?"

That was before... "Hey, but I could--" Kono started, but she broke off. "Steve, what the fucking fuck is that? That's not..."

"That's really not normal," Chin said.

"No," Steve started to agree. "Danny, we'll come get you come hell or high water, but for now we gotta--"

Danny hung up so they could focus on whatever it was Kono had seen, and went back to watching the steam. Which was how he knew when it erupted that whatever it was, now they had _four_ disasters on their hands, because tsunami, contagious epidemic, volcano, and something _really not normal_ was just a bad, bad goddamn day in any state in the union.

* * *

 **FOUR**

Danny stood leaning his forehead against the glass. The window was warm to the touch, which was almost certainly a very bad sign, but it wasn't burning him, and it was the only angle at which he could see the problem Chin had so understatedly called _really not normal_.

They'd called him back, of course. Well, no, Kono had, because Chin and Steve were off _trying to lasso Godzilla_.

Not that it was actually building-sized or using skyscrapers as toothpicks or anything, but seriously, the last time he'd spoken to her, she'd said it had casually crushed Wo Fat's escaping-the-calamity helicopter with its tail.

Danny couldn't actually find it in his heart to feel bad about that, but it seemed he was hardly alone, so he didn't worry about it. The sun was coming up, and nearly 24 hours of suckage was as good an excuse as any to feel glad about a good thing, right?

That was before the explosions began for real.

* * *

 **ALMOST FIVE**

"Danno, I got a full suit for me and gear for you, okay? I'm coming up."

"Want me to come down?" Danny found himself picking up his mess, and how stupid was that? It was just candy wrappers and a couple of bottles, right? And it wasn't like this whole hotel wasn't in the path of the slow lava flow. No one was going to care.

"Nah, if you're resistant but not immune, I don't want you over-exerting. Stay put, and I'll be up."

Danny sighed. "Yes, mom."

* * *

 **FIVE, AGAIN**

"Danno?" Steve's voice was scratchy, and his trip up the stairs had been a lot longer than Danny expected.

"Babe?"

"Hey, so Godzilla had a couple of cousins, turns out, and I guess the freshly-poisoned were tempting. Babies, though."

"Steve, please tell me your suit is intact and also that you can still just get the fuck out of here."

"Think I'm good. Waited a couple of minutes in case before I called you. Feel fine."

"Sound like shit."

"One of them whacked me in the throat with its tail. Be there in a minute. Oh, what were you saying, before? About five impossible things?"

" Five impossible things _before breakfast_ ," Danny corrected. "And shut up, it's totally before breakfast even if I've already been up for 28 hours or so. He looked out toward the closing lava. "Steve, you should get out of here, man. I think Hawaii has it in for me."

"Bullshit. McGarrett out."

"Seriously. There are exploding pineapples."

The walkie didn't answer, and Danny sighed. Steve had probably turned it off, probably meant it when he said he was coming up, come hell or high water.

Or, yeah, okay, both. Damn it.

The couch was too heavy to pull, but there was a pair of pretty good chairs, and Danny dragged one of them to the window and sat. He leaned his forehead against the glass again and watched. Far below, tropical fruits were swelling, and as he watched, another one drifted high like a helium balloon and exploded spattering what appeared to be acidic slime all around. This time, it hit another pineapple, and that one burst prematurely, sinking heavily into the ground. The building shook.

Danny leaned to reach for the pen and paper still on the desk, feeling that leaving a letter might be--oh, bad, Daniel--fruitless, but needing to try, and started to write.

 _Dear Ma,_

 _You know how I always said all the pineapple was going to kill me..._


End file.
